Damaged Goods
Have you ever had the feeling that you are damaged goods? Trying to find a place for your self in this perfect world. The feeling that you don’t deserve anything good and when something good does happen well you say.. it was just a fluke. You are in this bloody race and you feel you don’t deserve to be there let alone win.
When you want something in life, reach out and grab it. I left all the realities and reached out, but never could get hold of it. And I have been falling ever since into the dark abyss. The constant rejections make you wary. You’re too scared to want anything because experience tells you probably you wont get it and if you do it will be snatched away from you. I am not a coward. Its just that I don’t take rejections very well. When you put in your heart, everything into it and then the rejection.. well it hurts too much. I tell myself to be brave, to be strong. But for how long? That’s not me. Me is being pissed off like hell, blaming myself for being so stupid, so damn stupid; to even think I had a chance. And that is when you feel you are damaged goods; crooked and broken.
My Soulful 7
The following 7 soul-touching, awesome numbers are a must-listen-to this monsoon.
1. Time to Pretend
Artist/Band: MGMT
Claim to Fame: “21″ OST
2. Last Kiss
Artist/Band: Pearl Jam
Claim to Fame: Just love this Band
3. Hard Sun
Artist/Band: Eddie Vedder
Claim to Fame: Into the Wild OST
4. How to save a Life
Artist/Band: The Fray
Claim to Fame: Grey’s Anatomy OST
5. Can’t fight this feeling
Artist/Band: Reo Speedwagon
Claim to Fame: Supernatural OST
6. Into Dust
Artist/Band: Mazzy Star
Claim to Fame: House MD OST, The OC OST
7. Superman
Artist/Band: Five for fighitng
Claim to Fame: Smallville OST
SpooksVilla
Well I am in Ranchi at present to get some expert opinions and help from the people of Automation Division, RDCIS. So but naturally I looked for a place to stay nearby to avoid the daily exhausting commute from hostel to Ranchi. And that is where the OLD MTI GUEST HOUSE comes into the picture. And I mean its like really, really old. From the period of Independence kind of old. “ Khandar” will be the exact word. The century old establishment had 60 odd rooms and guess what I am the only occupant. I live in Room 38. It’s in one corner of the building. The one thing I noticed when I entered the room were the green creepers coming out of the AC. Awesome, I said. There a door leading outside to the balcony where there is a view of the garden( now a grassland comparable to savannahs with wild life of its own) and another door leading to the bathroom. All this seemed funny till there was light.
Once the sun went down, I started getting an eerie feeling. I go to bed early like round about 10. But man, I was little hesitant before switching off the lights. Once in bed, I started getting weird thoughts. There was no one around in the Guesthouse except me. I was all alone. Once or twice I thought I saw a faint silhouette on the windowpane. Man, I was freaking out. I was like telling myself, just shut your eyes and go to sleep. I didn’t even want to get out of bed to take a piss. The damn balcony was full of creepers and weeds. And it was pitch black outside. I even had heard tiny creatures scurrying under my bed. I have no idea, how I fell asleep that night. But I have made sure, I am like real tired before I get in bed so my eyes shut as soon as I am in bed. I still got about a week’s stay in the SpooksVilla but now I keep a metal rod nearby just in case.
Just one of those Days
Its just one of those days when nothing goes right. The car tire goes flat when your out for a late night drive to relax. To top it of, it starts raining out of no where. The one time you have to make an important call is when you’re out of balance.
Its just one of those days when you feel so lost. When you can’t figure what are doing with your life. When you look back at all the decisions you have made in life and then think, what if I had done that, what if I had not chosen that, what if I had landed up in another college, what if……
Its just one of those days when you feel so lonely. Even though you’re among your parents and your friends, you feel so lonely. You feel like your in a world of your own, surrounded by your thoughts and its just you there.
Its just one of those days when you feel something is missing in your life. You have done all you could to make your parents happy and proud, but still your unsatisfied. It’s like there is this big void in your life which you want to fill.
Its just one of those days when you say I need a break. You sit down and try to relax, but you know you need a break from everything. You need to go off somewhere away where no one even knows you.
It’s just one of those days when you feel you deserve better in life. After all the hard work you have done, done what is best for you, done everything possible you can to help others, you feel that life hasn’t been fair to you. You feel you’re a good person, then why the discrimination.
You know they do say everyday is not a Sunday.
Peace
After a whole day, running around in the Steel Plant, surrounded by dust and huge pipes carrying steam (as if the hot sun and the humid weather is not enough), it felt good to be back home. I entered the house and just flung my bag on the bed. Undressed as fast I could, and then stood beneath the shower. I slowly turned the knob. As the first drops of water touched my skin a sense of calm settled through out my body. The grace with the drops were hitting my face, it felt so good. The drops just run down the whole length of the body and the feeling was awesome. My god, I said, this is the best shower I have had in years. I just stood there with my eyes closed. My mind blank, not a single thought interrupted my relaxed state of mind. Almost as if I had fallen asleep. I finally got out and put on my Bermuda n T-shirt. I took a quarter of a water melon and put in the blender till it was almost liquid. I like it this way juice with chunks of the fruit. I finally settled down in from of the air cooler, took a sip of the juice and said “ Ahh, Peace”.
No Joke this
I know this a very late review for the movie but I saw it again today and I had to write about it.
Ask any movie buff.. What is favourite moment in the Dark Knight? The one scene which comes to your mind when you hear the Dark Knight? Chances are the scene wont be about the hero-The Batman. Cause quite simply one man stole away the show with a mind-blowing performance. Whether it is the mad man speeding off in a police car after blowing the police headquarters, him head leaning out of the window and his tongue waving as though savouring his victory. Or of a psycho with a knife inside a man’s mouth, all the while telling him the story of the scars on his mouth. Or then a crazy man standing in the middle of the road, shouting at the Batman as he speeds towards him on a bike- “ Common, you can do it. Common Hit me.. HIT ME!!”, challenging the very principles of the man. The movie tells in detail the story of a deranged man who wanted no money, no treasure but just did it for fun. In the words of Alfred-“Some people just wanna see the world burn”. I can’t ever get bored of this movie. The way Ledger has portrayed this character is beyond any words to describe. Hats off to the write too. Ledger deserved the Oscar award.
Heaven.. Well almost close
It can be on a lonely island in the middle of a vast never ending ocean or it can be a cottage in the middle of a jungle with a river flowing by. I want to be away from it all- the noise, the people, the chaos, the busy schedule. I want to be surrounded by peace and quiet. I want to feel cool breeze flowing by, gently touching you. It would be so relaxing that you forget all your troubles, all that has been bugging you. When I get up in the morning, I just want to smell the fresh air and just take it all in. When I have my morning cup of tea, I want to look at the mist all around and the birds flying by and listen to them sing. I want to take a walk along that stream or just along the beach on a nice evening just as the sun is about to go down. May be take a dip just to cool off. I want to sit there and enjoy the beautiful sunset. Or maybe lie down and stare at the night sky dotted with millions and millions of stars. And I want you to be there beside me.
The Flyover
We came out of the movie hall at 1.30 in the night after the last show. Relieved is only word that comes to mind when my friend asks how was the movie, relieved it is over. There were seven of us and no one was in the mood to go back home yet. So we decide to take the long route back home via the highway. We all were having such a good time, joking and chatting as we were riding our bikes. Then I saw the flyover ahead on the road and I think an adrenaline rush kicked in.
I went full throttle. There I was on the flyover at 2 in the night, with the cold so biting it brought tears to my eyes. But for the brief moment that I was on the flyover, it felt so good to be among friends, to be at home. These were not just any friends, these were those people with whom I had grown up learning every lesson in life, sharing every detail and laughing away all problems. They are my sanctuary . I had a kind of “flashback” of all the good times we had, a quick rewind n play. Then I saw the end of the flyover, I had to slowdown. I didn’t want to but I had to. It was then that it hit me; I had to go back to college, away from these bros of mine, in just a few days. I don’t want to go back, why do I have to go back. And I know the answer to the question which I ask. Because life is not fair, it doesn’t give us any choice, we have to move ahead along with all that is to come. Ill always remember this ride.
Man Of Steel
“ It’s a bird… It’s a plane…. Its Superman!! ” These are the words that greeted the superhero as he flew in to save the day. Superman has super strength, travels at the speed of light, is “ bullet-proof”, has heat vision, has X-ray vision and of course he can fly. With powers equivalent to God, is he really invincible, is he really the Man of Steel?
Legend says that he was sent to Earth with the sole objective to rule the flawed race on the planet, the humans. But growing up among the humans, he too became flawed. He developed compassion and emotion for the ones near him, who loved him. While growing up like a normal human kid he had the huge burden of his secret on his shoulders. Many were just ready to exploit his abilities and so for sake of his loved ones, he had to push to them all away – his best friend , his parents and the girl he loved. He had to sacrifice all for their happiness, to protect them from all evils. He learnt to live alone, find hope, faith in himself. I felt sorry for the guy. Nobody understood him. He just wanted to be normal, tell everyone around about his secret but had to keep everything to himself. But not everything went wrong for him. He ended up writing his own destiny, he became the protector of the weak and the helpless; the very people he was meant to rule over.
His body may be of Steel, but his heart is very much human, bruised and scarred.
Under the Night Sky
This is about us three friends. One doing engineering in the jungles of Jharkhand(this is me), one doing CA in the busy city of Nagpur and the last guy doing medical near the beaches of Goa. We meet for like 5-6 days in a year and obviously have a lot to catch on to. And so we do in a very awesome way.
After having dinner with our families, saying prayers and kissing good night everyone, we sneak out of the house. The doctor comes to pick us up in his Chevrolet and then we go off to a big field nearby. We park the car at the very far end, switch of the radio and then we lie on the car. We stare at the stars as we tell each other how our life has been in the past 12 months. The best thing about this all is the peace and quiet around. The slow breeze flowing carries you away from this world. You feel so small among the stars at which you gaze. One night we even saw a flock of migratory birds. The feeling of sharing everything with my bros is so good. It feels like confessing to god himself. Because they don’t judge me, they just listen. We joke, we laugh, we advice, we envy, we feel sorry and sometimes even shed a few tears. We have so much to talk because we are practically like from different civilizations. We lie there lost for how long we don’t know.
These “nights” are very rare with so much else to do( actually don’t want to piss my parents off running away like this every night. They always make the extreme conclusion… booze and all) But we always are ready for these night-outs.
